You can’t deserve a person’s love. You’ll drive yourself crazy thinking like that. They either love you, or they don’t. That doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough for them to love you, because love isn’t something you earn by being good enough. It isn’t something that can be quantified or doled out. Don’t blame yourself for not being loved how you need to, just teach yourself how to look for love where love lives.

This isn’t just about romantic love, or even skewed towards romantic love, although it does apply there too. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to accept is that my mother simply wasn’t someone who was capable of loving me, and there is no version of me that I could have ever been that would have earned that love. But with acceptance came healing. I was able to love myself more instead of resenting myself for not being more than any one person could be.

Are you listening? Even love for yourself isn’t earned. It is a kindness you give yourself.

idk why im writing this post but i feel like clarifying smthg cause this is social media and we keep throwing words around but. parasocial relationships are completely normal. human beings need to socialize, and seeing someone thru a screen that we like/who portrays characters we like can result in wanting to socialize with them, therefore creating a sort of one-way bond. thats just a normal reaction. thats why even if we dont know them we can feel real, various feelings towards actors/musicians/whatever.

whats unhealthy is stan culture, aka when u get so obsessed with a celebrity that u 1) forget u dont actually know them 2) are incapable of being critical of them 3) or on the contrary if u analyze every little public thing they do and draw out radical conclusions. social media adds another layer, given how easy it is to contact some celebrities directly : now. wanting to contact/meet a celebrity is not inherently unhealthy but holding expectations for them is. they dont know you, theyre just Someone. like theyre just. a person. theyre not the version of them that you have in your head, theyre a stranger. a celeb being friendly with their fans doesn’t make them your friend. people just gotta learn basic boundaries lmao like? dont do or say shit to a celeb that u wouldnt do or say to a complete stranger in the street. its as simple as that.

so with that being said : admiring a celeb, feeling inspired by them and/or being attracted to them doesnt make u a weird or creepy person. its normal. just learn to take some distance with it and keep in mind that They’re Just A Person

𝔥𝔢𝔞𝔳𝔢𝔫 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔥𝔢𝔩𝔩

Dean downloading snapchat onto his phone and onto Cas’, because “maybe if I can see your dumb face, you won’t need to use those damn emoticons”.

Cas sending Dean snaps of everything. His book, his tea, his food, the shower being turned on, the puddle of his PJ’s on the floor, his own reflection in the mirror, his feet (so, so many snaps of his feet, in various sock combinations). Dean mostly replying with snaps of the road, text overlaid, normally something like yeah, Cas, those socks look pretty neat too.

Dean replying once with a picture of his own face, smiling into the sunlight. Cas taking a screenshot immediately, and earning himself a sharp text.

> Hey, that’s cheating.

> What? I won’t show anyone else.

> … fine.

Cas taking a screenshot every time Dean sends him a picture of his face, and Dean thinking nothing of it - in the back of his mind, he’s assuming that Cas probably deletes them after a day or two - until the day he catches Cas staring down at his phone with a soft, happy expression on his face.

Dean saying, “Who’s got you smiling?”, trying not to sound envious.

Cas blinking up at him - and then turning his phone screen around so that Dean can see his own face, a snap he sent weeks ago. “You,” he says.

Next time Dean sends a snap, there’s not so much text overlaid. Just a single red heart, that Cas can keep forever.

Idiots to lovers, 20k words, angst with a happy ending.

[TW: Sexual assault, child sexual abuse, domestic violence, PTSD, military violence]

Okay, here’s my problem with the fandom police, the antis who hunt down authors of “problematic” fic and try to chase them off the internet:

Antis act like they’re “normal people”, like their harassment campaigns are what any ordinary person would do in response to something objectively evil, like abuse, or creating videorecordings of abuse.

But they’re not. They’re trying to police artistic representations of evil things. They’re the people trying to get libraries to ban To Kill a Mockingbird and The Colour Purple and Two Boys Kissing and The Hate U Give for discussing “objectionable” topics. 

And the problem with that is, you’re way more likely to hit the victims than the perpetrators, the same way people who want to ban books usually ban books from marginalized perspectives (POC, LGBTQ+, etc). Like it should be really obvious by now that if you’ve been through shit, talking about it to other people, making art about it, finding other people who’ve been through that you’ve been through, and having conversations about it, are really important ways of processing trauma. 

Yeah, antis say they’ll only attack people “romanticizing” bad things–but guess what! Many people do not perceive their trauma as 100% bad, even when it definitely did fuck them up! And victims need to be able to talk and make art about those experiences and know they’re not alone.

Traumatized military veterans often feel their military service was a just, good, positive thing, and that the wars they fought were exciting and worthwhile–until or even though, they still got traumatized.

It takes many sexually abused children years to understand that their abuser was not a special friend or a beneficial adult, but in fact, an abuser who damaged them deeply.

Many adults in abusive relationships love their abuser deeply, to the point that this is a major barrier to getting them to safety.

People! Need to be able to talk about those experiences! To make art about those experiences! To find out they’re not alone! And many people in these situations don’t understand they’re what we’d call victims, until they’ve laid out their stories beginning to end and can see their entirety, or until other people listen to their stories and go, “Wow, it sounds like you were not the one in the wrong there.”

The last thing those people need is a ton of people screaming, “You sick fuck, do you get off on this? How can you make art about this? You must want people to be abused!” and driving them away from the process that leads them to community, healing and insight.

No anti I’ve seen has ever described a convincing plan for making sure that their intended methods of censorship will only affect art genuinely made to encourage violence and abuse towards vulnerable people, and will not affect art made by victims to talk about their experiences being victimized.

People who do produce problematic work often do have plans to help keep kids safe, whether that’s hiding that work in 18+ walled gardens, or educating about digital consent. But I haven’t seen that same awareness among antis that what they’re doing can have extreme negative consequences for vulnerable people, or discussions about how to mitigate the negative effects of their actions.

Which is why, so far as I’m concerned, antis are deeply dangerous people who shouldn’t be allowed to be around other survivors–because even if they’re antis to deal with their own trauma, their method of coping is definitely going to hurt others. And meanwhile, the scientific evidence showing that problematic art leads to violence or victimization is extremely weak–in fact, depictions of abuse tend to lead to higher abuse reporting and holding abusers more accountable, the same way that earlier sex ed leads to a reduction in child sexual abuse.

you guys. what are we doing with our lifes